It looks cool and it's cool to say. What's not cool is the issue I have finding camaraderie! Throughout my life I have gone through a handful of "best friends." Looking back as far as grade school, I reflect on how awesome friendship is when you are a child. It's brutally honest and always upfront. There is no question about hanging out or making time for each other because you already know that after school or on the weekend, you're hangin' out with your very best pal(s). There's always something to do because everything is fun, new, and exciting when you're a kid, whether it's outside, inside, at a park, in your cool room, on top of a car, in a cardboard box, in the guts of the house being built down the street, etc. The places kids find to hang out at range from mundane to super fucking weird.
And then you grow up.
Most of the friendships I have made in my late teens and early 20's have been based on partying. Maybe that's what happens when you don't have any real hobbies? So I guess when it comes down to the willy nilly, those friendships are weak and tend to fade quickly. If there's not a party or a cool bar to hang out at or if ya just don't feel like getting high or having drinks, what's there to do?
The truth is, I've always had trouble connecting with people on a deeper level. I often feel misunderstood and like an outcast. Don't I sound like a whiny high-schooler? lol. But for real though, I got issues. I went through physical and sexual abuse, abandonment by my mom, neglect by my dad, deaths in the home I was living in, separation from my brother/best friend, yadda yadda yadda. Everyone has issues, I know, and I'm not the only one that had a fucked up childhood. But sometimes I just cannot relate to other people my age. The way I feel about a lot of 'em is that their privileges and the issues in their lives that they tell me about are just so foreign to me that I just can't empathize with or understand them. Aside from all that, I am doomed with another issue: I'm totally a product of our ~progressive~ generation. Ingrained in me are some hella liberal beliefs that tend to clash with the beliefs of others.
For now, I'll put a pause on this over-analyzation of my failing social life. But with all of that said, my goal is to improve my social interactions and take a more positive outlook on making connections with people.
